Diet Observation

Health, Random poetry No Comments »

How do?

Carrying on the food theme from yesterday, I wrote about a lady who appears a little obsessed with the subject…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Overeat  Abolish  Particular  Notebook  Lake  Observation  Prefer  Rain  Instal

 

She hated to overeat –

Thought we should abolish

All particular references

To ‘seconds’.

 

She kept a notebook,

Filled it with calorific details

‘Til her eyes swam

In a lake of regret.

 

Her diet observation

Hurt me to watch;

I’d prefer to rain

On the parade of perfection:

 

Instal a little ice cream in the regimen.

 

Have you ever been on a strict diet?  How long did you last?

As I have probably mentioned before (!) I lost three stone between July 2015 and March 2016 through using the My Fitness Pal app…but I definitely ate chocolate every day!  I was just sensible, made better choices than I had before, and gave myself a manageable goal (1,800 calories a day before exercise, to begin with.  I also aimed to lose 28lbs by Christmas).

I took up the Lifepoints Diet around the time I gave up smoking (at 28), and kept track of my daily progress using paper and pencil –  that was excruciating!  I stuck to it, but it made me (even more) neurotic, and I did not have much fun following it!

Give me an app that reads barcodes and remembers what your go-to foods are, any day!

I have been feeling the cold a lot more these last two winters. Sometimes being thin is not all it’s cracked up to be, you know 😉

Before

After

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Feeling Yuck

Health, Random poetry No Comments »

Hi!

Yesterday, Hubby and I went out together while my mum took care of our lil tearaways at her house 🙂

We had a nice relaxed late breakfast/lunch at an American-style diner we like, then went and did most of the M&S school-clothes shop while we had the time (and patience)!  We met one of my friends by chance in a café after that, and had a blether before heading back to the car to drop off our shopping bags.  It had turned into a nice afternoon, so Hubby and I had a wander around the park I used to go to as a child, then headed up to my old university to really play the nostalgia card. 

From Randomlists

Unfortunately, this is when my food choices at the diner caught up with me, and I belatedly remembered that chasing two fried eggs with a dessert that includes cream and ice cream is not very clever when you have my stomach…!

Consequently, I went 24 hours without food, and only ate a tentative brunch about midday today.  I still felt really ropey, as if I had copious amounts of alcohol last night. 

This being my train of thought, the speaker in my poem has a hangover…and is still valiantly mothering through it 😉

 

Corn  Rule  Puncture  Nerve  Grip  Chunky  Arrest  Ruin  Smoke

 

I looked at my cereal –

All that corn goodness

(As a rule,

It* usually can puncture

Any diet plan)

 

But my nerve this morning

Was not there.

 

In the grip of a wave

Of threatening, chunky yuck;

I decided to arrest the plan

To fill my tum.

 

Instead, I watched my son

Deftly fold his pyjamas,

Beat me at board games,

And squish me with hugs.

 

Why let a few bad choices

Ruin time with my baby?

 

I’ll do better tomorrow –

And wash off this smoke…

  

* I changed ‘flakes’ to ‘cereal’, but forgot to change ‘they’ to ‘it’ in my notebook!

 ->slaps forehead<-

 

Hubby is continuing to teach the boys to swim, and has taken them out separately today.  What the kid in the poem was doing mirrors Youngest’s antics with me this morning. 

He was really sweet and kept stroking my head and playing with my ears in concern.  He still didn’t let me win any games, however 😉

Both kids helped me put away their dry washing; luckily they seem to find doing small piles of folding quite therapeutic!  We iron as the need arises around here, I live with three ‘drawer foragers’ so would need to press their stuff all over again anyway, after they’d flung it about looking for something.  Life’s just too short for that nonsense!!

Now I’ve had dinner, the headache that decided to join my dodgy tum is finally subsiding, so I’m feeling much more like myself again.  I will try and remember that I am not invincible, in the future!

 

The carrot cake was very yummy, all the same…

 

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Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Frame

Health, Random poetry No Comments »

Hello 🙂

The first five words of this selection from the Random Word Generator site powerfully brought to mind all the focus at the moment on bed blocking and social care.  A lady in her mid-eighties immediately stood in front of me.  She looked a bit like my Great Grandmother.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

See   Spirit   Frame   Harass   White   Detector   Fling   Grass  Atmosphere

 

One could see her spirit wane

All fire extinguished in her frame;

The nurses’ harass met with nought

When, once, white uniforms were fought.

 

Metal detector at the door

Became her entertainment score,

As she shuffled corridors

And sweet little kids did bore.

 

She used to tease about my ‘fling’

Be quick to notice everything;

At pasture’s grass, now – some ‘Old Dear’ –

Her room devoid of atmosphere.

 

Metal detectors are not commonplace in UK hospital entrances, but I know they are in (at least parts of ) the US, so I used a bit of poetic license there 😉

I would hate to be spending any of my twilight years stuck in a hospital when I was well enough to be back in my own space again.  It would make me feel vulnerable, useless and as if I was never going to be allowed to escape – all feelings I descend into after just a few days in the house with a virus!

Our mood can affect our health, so it can only be dangerous to make older people believe they are not required to be functional in society any more. 

I really hope the Care Quality Commission’s investigations significantly help our NHS to make some breakthroughs in this area; and start giving everyone the freedoms they deserve as soon as their health allows.

 

[Photo credit: Pexels]

 

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Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Crumply

Childhood, Health, Parenting, Random poetry No Comments »

Hi!

Today was Youngest’s first nursery trip.  He went to a showing of Grass and, by all accounts, he loved it!

I was very relieved that one of my mum pals went with the group.  I had really fought with myself about going, but had decided against it because I knew that Youngest would enjoy the experience all the more for me not being there (the adventure, and the storytelling possibilities).  He rarely spends extended time away from his parents!

My mum friend was brilliant and kept me informed of what Youngest and her daughter were up to at different points in the day.  Unfortunately pictures were not allowed to be taken, but the descriptions were lovely 😉

See ya later, dawg!

I had waited about for a good half hour in the playground to wave him off on the coach; and Youngest’s wee excited face was gorgeous to see. I snapped a few pics of him flashing me the ‘I love you’ sign through the window, and grinning away with my pal’s daughter. I do admit to some worried tears last night (and to dampening his sleepy bonce a bit as he cuddled into me this morning) but I also knew he’d be mostly sensible and back in one piece soon enough.  Which he was.

I love oo, Daddy!

I did take lots of pictures of him cuddling us this morning, all the same (the ones of me and him have naked breasts in them, so I’ve spared you.  Extended breastfeeding pics don’t appeal to everyone…)

Hubby was working from home today, so he took me down in the car for 2.30pm pick up. Youngest gleefully relayed to both of us, over a snack, how there were butterflies and worms in the performance, and how I would probably not have liked the spider in it!

After Eldest got home and they had watched the tablet a bit together, Youngest came and had a nice snuggly nap on me, which I think he was really needing after all the excitement.  Apparently most of the other kids snoozed on the bus on the way home!

I am glad I let him go, but even more thankful he is tucked up in bed safely now –  and has a whole year to wait til the next one… 😉

Today’s poem has nothing to do with today’s events, but that’s the way it goes, sometimes!

 

Crumply  Gluttonous  Axe  Heaven  Atonement  Time  Absurd  Deep  Powder

She was sat there,

Her clothes all crumply

Her ‘gluttonous’ ways evident

From the wrappers adorning

The table in front of her.

 

A caption below it read:

“Me, before I decided to axe

All unhealthy crap from my life!

What a GOD-AWFUL mess!!”

 

I doubt that he in heaven

Thought her ‘awful’ then –

I doubt he thought

A sharp implement was warranted

To facilitate some atonement…

 

He probably is happy

That she makes time for herself now

(But mourns this absurd bashing

Of her former self)

 

These shells we walk in

Provide such deep-seated insecurity

When, in fact,

They were given to protect.

 

By all means take care of yours

(Cake it in coloured powder, too,

If you wish)

But remember: whom it contains

Is the key.

 

Interestingly, when I looked up the link for the performance Youngest went to see, I was assaulted by an advert for a BMI calculator.  It’s insidious!

I hope you have learned to love your body over the years?  I remember having the kids and being so in awe of what my body had sustained and produced, and feeling very powerful (while simultaneously exhausted, of course!).  I crafted every patch of my beautiful boys, and that’s pretty fabulous 😉

 

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Copyright © 2017  Montaffera All Rights Reserved
Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Problems (Remuda Pt 2)

Health, Mental Health, Parenting, Random Short Stories, Relationships No Comments »

Hiya 😉

From Jimpix

I was excited when I saw that ‘problems’ and ‘crumb’ had shown up on today’s Jimpix offering!  It was surely a sign that I was to carry on and extend yesterday’s prose piece?! It was a nice mild selection too, so not that tricky to work with (strange…?).

Having read both of my pieces back a few times, I don’t think they sound like an American girl is narrating, really – or at least to my mind it reads as though she may have been brought up by an English nanny!

 

Eminent  Problems  Gunnells  Mammet  Volume  Zero  Childish  Infatuated  Crumb

Mum was very encouraged by the fact that some eminent psychologist or other had taken residence at the ranch.  The answer to all my problems.  Mum looked hurt when I’d tried not to snigger.

“What’s so funny?” she’d snapped

“Well…did you say her name was ‘Gunnells’?!”

“Yes…!”

I laughed outright; “So! At this hallowed place that treats people with eating disorders – they hire a shrink with a name that is synonymous with being full-up?! Talk about subliminal messages! I love it!”

 

You see, I’m really NOT one of those sad mammet types who want to take up as little room as possible and shrink out of life. 

I LOVE LIFE!

Turn it up to full volume, why don’t you, and throw some groovy shapes on that dancefloor!

I watch my weight, obviously, but I am not a size zero.  I’m not some waif with a childish desire to stay little forever, stop my periods, be looked after by my parents…

I like what I like, and I do what I do.  I’m not infatuated by every fashion model out there, nor am I suspicious of every crumb on my plate.  Plus, I hate throwing up. 

I don’t think this place is really ready for me, as beautiful as it is.  I don’t play nice with other girls.  But then, that could be fun!

I shook out my bun and squared my shoulders, hoping the crick in my neck would soon leave. 

“Let’s go then” I said, cheerfully, looping my arm through my dad’s.  Mum looked delighted.

 

A very full notebook page today!

Is the girl a reliable source of information?  Does she really feel as she says she does, or is she in denial? I suggested yesterday that she had moved to the other side of the US from her home town…what was she running from?  Has she aspirations she wishes to chase, or just demons she’s hoping to leave behind?

Or is it the mother who is in denial, hoping that putting her daughter in for this kind of therapy will be much easier to talk about at the tennis club? Is she hoping that any other mental health issues will be mopped up at the place as well if she just throws enough money at them?

What is in the past with the father?  What renegade moves has he pulled recently?  Is he even with the mother any more, or is he there for the daughter?

Let me know what you got from the emerging story, in the comments!

**Disclaimer: I have only done rudimentary research on Remuda Ranch, and the services it provides.  The pieces I have written are entirely works of FICTION and the characters are not based on anyone I actually know or have ever met!  The area of expertise that the place in question specialises in is a very emotive and delicate one – I in no way wish to belittle that, just explore it through the characters I have created.  The characters’ views should not be taken as my own**

 

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Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

Remuda

Health, Mental Health, Parenting, Random Short Stories, Relationships No Comments »

Hey-lo lovely reader!

So! I was putting off my Jimpix dealings yesterday, as I have been pretty busy trying, trying, trying to catch up on housework and the washing pile, since my pelvis decided to give me a lot of pain and make me take it slower last week. 

From Jimpix

But today I bit the bullet and just went for it to see what the god of Jimpix would give me.  I had already decided that I was going to attempt to write a prose piece with the words and see where it took me.  I had the idea at the back of my head that I might do the same tomorrow with another Jimpix selection and see if I could carry it on with the same characters?!  Is such a thing even possible with this wild generator?!

I was surprisingly nervous about writing the piece at all.  Blank page syndrome really kicked in!!

**I must point out here and now that I have only done rudimentary research into what the place I will set my piece in the grounds of looks like, and the services it provides.  The following piece is entirely a work of FICTION and the characters are not based on anyone I actually know or have ever met!  The area of expertise that the place in question specialises in is a very emotive and delicate one – I in no way wish to belittle that, just explore it through the characters I have created.  The characters’ views should not be taken as my own**

I had to look up ‘remuda’ and just underneath it on the search engine appeared ‘Remuda Ranch’ – a treatment centre for women and girls who have eating disorders.  It is in Arizona, so I immediately had to look up how long it would take to get there from Connecticut (as it was one of my words)…and so a wee story started coming together in my mind.  I started the timer and off I went:

 

Anchor  Remuda  Flank  Connecticut  Kissing  Stoic  Renegade  Offensive  Triathlete

It had been a four-hour flight, then the drive, and now my head floated as if finally released from its anchor.  Remuda Ranch, at first, looked tipsy.

Pins and needles scuffled in the whole of my left flank, but the air smelt like freedom after Connecticut.  I stretched my arms towards the big blue sky, and got sudden images of a stubbled stable hand, pungent from leather and horse sweat, kissing me like his life depended on it…

Dad had been such a stoic through the whole journey, listening to mum rattling off all the benefits this beautiful place boasted for people like me.  How much the other girls would take to my sweet nature and we’d get through it together.  Dad already knew there was a high chance I’d turn renegade.  I took after him, so he never found it as offensive as mum did.

Not even after I’d ditched the hunky triathlete at that Vegas alter last year…

 

Scribblings…gutted because my purple pen ran out half way through my time! Hoping I have another one somewhere…

Las Vegas is next door to Arizona, but waaaay across the map from Connecticut.  What age are we thinking the ‘girl’ is? One must legally be 18 to marry in Las Vegas, but how easy would it be to fake an ID?

It would appear that the parents live in Connecticut, so why was the daughter so far away?  Did she abscond in her summer vacation and get a job as a cocktail waitress?

It reads like her parents are wealthy, so has she stolen money and gone off to seek adventure, previously?

I’m pretty pleased with the piece.  I think I will try to expand upon it tomorrow, dammit! 😉

Wish me luck!

 

 

 

 

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Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

Disturbance

Health, Mental Health, Random poetry 2 Comments »

Hello!

Here’s tonight’s random word poem.  Again the subconscious took over, so I don’t know what precisely has happened to the poor woman, or who the speaker is.  But I want to hug them both:

From Textfixer

 

Shadow  Negative Elevator  Global  Factual  Disturbance  Push  Fermentation  Divorce

 

That’s when the shadow

Entered her eyes.

The negative self-talk

Dates from then, too.

 

I tried to be her elevator:

Scribbles

Dredge her from the depths,

But too late –

For her this depression

Is global, and it’s stuck.

 

She can give me every factual piece

That relates to her profound condition.

She has links to everything;

Memes from memory.

 

A ‘disturbance’ they said.

But when they elected to push:

Her buttons deployed readily.

 

Those screams!

 

“Born of fermentation of mind

And divorce from ‘normal’.”

 

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Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

Lednock

Health, Mental Health, Random poetry 4 Comments »

 

Hello again 🙂

From Jimpix (muhahahahaha)

So it came to pass: once again the generator of doom ground its cogs and presented me with a strange mix of words to play with.  It took me a bit of twisting of the ol’ grey matter to figure out how ‘Lednock’, ‘IBM’ and ‘Elwy’ were going to gel together, but I managed with just over 5 minutes to spare.

Obviously I did my research outwith the 15 minute window, I’m not that quick 😉

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Splatter  Lednock  IBM  Experiment Wings  Elwy  Pharaoh  By  Chancellor

 

The rain did not start to splatter steadily

Until I’d almost finished marvelling at the majesty

Of Glen Lednock.

Drawn from dull conferences, and talk

Of IBM shares (and software in general) –

I was feeling free.

 

This experiment I’d started, oh five years ago now,

Had flexed its wings and shown me

That life was for the living.

 

Paradoxically, it was the dead that spoke to me most.

Whether crouched in an Elwy cave,

Tracing Neanderthal;

Or staring into Pharaoh faces, imagining the

Baking heat upon their taut skin, once –

It got me by.

 

It kept me sane when others rattled on about money

And gloomy predictions, ignored by the Chancellor.

History doesn’t lie…

 

Scribbles in purple

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Sudden

Health, Random poetry No Comments »

Hi! 🙂

Well! I was pretty down in my last few posts, but today I was rewarded with some very good news – Eldest had a restful  night, and woke up ravenous and pain free this morning!!

It took him two hours to wrestle through his sore tum long enough to eat all of a medium banana yesterday afternoon, and he had two naps between parts of it (!); but this morning he positively inhaled a slice of dry toast and then piped up “I feel much better today.  Can I open the big box of train track?”.  I can’t express how much that meant to me!!

Youngest had already been awake for two hours (it was 8.30am), and was down in the playroom with a new birthday toy.  Eldest marched down the stairs to join him (hubby has been carrying our invalid the last few days, as Eldest has been so weak) with me scurrying behind him, holding the requested track accessories!

Youngest’s face was so shiny when he realised his big brother was coming to play with him again after five days, it totally splintered my heart!  Just yesterday, Youngest had been stroking his brother’s head and using a gentle (and slightly patronising) voice, with Eldest lying there looking pathetic.  Youngest straight away took the lesser role in the new activity, however, as it was clear Eldest had a plan and was back in charge 😛 apparently, Eldest had been dreaming about track building!

I took some video of the the two of them exploring the contents of the track additions, then slipped away to go up and tell hubby the amazing news…and allow myself a wee sob over how wonderful it was to see Eldest ‘back in the room’. 

Eldest stopped play about half an hour later, and demanded a bowl of cereal.  He then had a banana not 15 minutes after that!!  He did get a sore tum for 20 minutes while the food went down, but then he was grand for the rest of the day!

From Textfixer

Unfortunately, all this good news did not translate into a happy poem, as the words did not point me in that direction – but that’s just the way of it sometimes 😉  there is a health theme, though…

 

 

 

 

Controller  Clinic  Grim  Circuit  Sudden  Any  Headlock  Determined  Enemy

 

As a ‘controller’ in life

That visit to the clinic

Felt particularly grim.

There is a short circuit

In my ability to take it all in.

 

Too sudden.

Too raw.

No way to make it less painful.

 

The fear has me in a headlock,

My neck aches from the strain of thinking

While Googling possible outcomes.

 

I am determined to fight this…this…

ENEMY within my body.

 

No way I’m not getting out of this

Alive.

 

Notebook scribbles

 

 

[Eldest’s red track supports are these and the blue ones are these. I am not gaining anything by sending you to the Amazon links, just thought you’d like to know what the boys were playing with, because they are pretty cool 😉  The wooden track, turntable etc are various presents that have built up over the years.]

 

 

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Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

All I have

Health, Mental Health, Random poetry, Relationships No Comments »

Hello again 😉

I am perched on my stripped bed, surrounded by boxes and notebooks and general pieces of nonsense.  I have been trying to instil in our boys the habit of moving furniture to vacuum behind it, and dusting etc.  This week they were to help me and hubby with the main bedroom. 

It, of course, started off well: the kids vying for the heaviest boxes from under the bed to help carry through to the nice open spaces in their rooms, arguing goodnaturedly about where they should be stacked, and so on.  They even reminded me that the boxes needed dusted before they were stacked, and eagerly wet microfibre cloths to get the job done.

from Random Word Generator

Then, after less than half an hour, they decided that mum and dad had kindly set them up an OBSTACLE COURSE and proceeded to play a noisy game of tig amongst the rubble!

There was a half-hearted attempt to help me vaccum about an inch of carpet, then they told me it was all too much hard work and instead went outside with their (equally bored) dad and left me with displaced furniture and possessions all over the top of the house.  Sigh.

Why do they all assume I hold cleaning in any higher esteem than they do?!  That my time is any less precious?  That I have a higher boredom threshold…?

I am going to try and sort through a few things before bed tonight (oh, and put the duvet etc on…) so it doesn’t look like I’m getting to bed before 2am.  Again…

The words that came up today were relatively easy to fit in to a poem.  But the subject matter became a little scary.  I definitely need to get some more sleep…

 

 

 

Have  Waste  Friendly  Traction  Mind  Cultivate  Utter  Mutation  Cousin

 

It is hard to look at all I have

Remembering I waste.

This friendly town I moved to,

Gaining traction as I aged;

Has much good to consume the mind,

To cultivate much joy,

But also tempts an utter horror –

My ‘mutation’ could destroy:

The understanding shoulders

The smiles, the trust, the hugs;

If I don’t keep slaying Black Dog

(Cousin of the friendly ‘doug’)

If I let the Dark Pooch off the lead

I’m sure he’d run amok

Mowing down these cheery faces –

(I hear a ticking of a clock)

Instead of knowing that he’s shut away?

I often hear him growl!

And one day, maybe, he’ll burst out

Commit deeds all find foul…

 

Notebook page

Do you find it hard to be your best self, and worry that there are just some parts of you that are too awful to look upon?

Do you find yourself wanting to run for cover as you are not sure if you can trust your words to come out properly today?

What do you do to fend off the ‘Black Dog’?

 

 

 

 

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Copyright © 2017  Montaffera All Rights Reserved
Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!