Balance

Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships No Comments »

Hello 🙂

This foray came to me while pondering ‘balance’ in my journal:

Person on a tight-rope over a canyon

 

Which scale should I measure from?

What fool would proclaim balance –

In any form –

Lives here?

 

This photograph is propaganda:

There’s no telling where our minds were

When we posed for this.

 

A decade ago

Was a different skin.

It began to peel

As my stitches healed.

 

Those surgeons pulled out multiple lives;

Sliced through more than meat.

 

The scar is growing fainter,

Subsumed by metamorphic grace.

 

[Pic is from here]

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

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Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Contribution

Mental Health, Other Poetry No Comments »

Hello 🙂

Analysis paralysis

When someone asks of me

The contribution I will make

To fair humanity!

 

So sick and tired of thinking

(Getting stuck in my own wheels)

I never have an answer that

Brings up all the good feels.

 

So: I mumble and I stumble

And I off-the-cuff remark;

Then wander home dejected with

My temper growing dark…

 

Yeah… my journal prompt hit a nerve today 😉

 

[Pic is from here]

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Player?

Childhood, Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships 2 Comments »

Hi 🙂

Today I was to ponder how work and play are defined in my world, using my journal.  The lines are somewhat blurred in my life at the moment!

The more I acquaint myself with the updated neuroscience in Steve Biddulph’s Raising Boys, the more I realise this dynamic may not be changing much for the next 20 years or so 😉  Hopefully I’ll have two wonderfully healthy and well-adjusted young men toasting my 60th at the end of it, however…

 

Blue eyes and brown

They hate coming down

From their rooms to the sound of our beeper.

(It heralds goodbye)

On the landing they lie

One protesting, one feigning a ‘sleeper’.

Youngest on scooter and Eldest walking

 

With fake snoring aside,

And debates all been tried,

They succumb to inevitable hurry;

Twisted-heel socks put right,

Shoes with matched feet inside:

We grab coats, bags – then ‘cross paths we scurry.

 

On my way home to food

(Mind a little unglued)

I have Spotify feeding me soundbites;

They balloon in my brain

‘Til I don’t feel the same –

Potential now reaching for new heights.

 

Through the vacuuming gigs

And the laundry bin digs

There are YouTube, and Audible goodies.

(Or I’ll turn on the news

While some stitches accrue,

And I sample ‘craft-angst’ with my cookies…)

Youngest racing Eldest to go and hide painted rocks!

 

Back with youngest again

All the questions begin,

As I size up his mood and his morning.

As we mosey on home

I field requests (and moans)

Witness his schoolboy self ‘terraforming’.

 

We do lunchtime and then

Giant cuddles [for men

Need this most vital act in their childhood;

And, being a huggy type

As I am, it feels right

To attempt this – no matter our mood]

 

Then with one sleepy spud

‘Buggied up’, and our ‘crud’

All slung over the handles, we move it;

Down to Eldest at school

(Where we try not to duel

While I dole out the snacks, with good spirits)

 

After dinner, laundry –

An anecdote or three –

It is time for the playroom clean-up;

Daddy comes home and helps,

I claim time for myself

And do blog stuff o’er milky tea cup.

 

Homework done now, with dad,

It’s father-time for the lads

And this is where duff-ups ensue;

I emerge from my dreams,

As peace rips at the seams,

(Daddy needing a backup or two)

 

There are cuddles and tears

Talking-round of jeers,

Then those separate showers begin.

I hear stories anew

From each boy and we, too,

Speak about what tomorrow may bring.

 

Uniforms all laid out,

Suppered boys on the scout

For what tale they may now want to hear;

We cuddle and read,

Applaud every good deed,

Then it’s duvets tucked up to their ears!

 

Official adult time

Commences about nine,

But we might not have been fed just yet…

We navigate this

And settle to the biz

Of reclaiming creative outlets.

 

All too soon – call of bed

And that cold parent dread

That one child might scream out (around 3);

But still our eyes close –

“Que Sera…” we suppose –

For sure: as our tykes grow, here we’ll be.

 

Well, that turned out to be a little longer than originally anticipated!

It is nice to get our routine down on ‘paper’ like this, however, as it will all change in a few short months.  I am trying to slow the passage of time down in my mind and really savour the boys.  For all it will be liberating to have 6 hours’ worth of kid-free time, I know I will miss Youngest’s wee eager face telling me his insights around mouthfuls of buttered roll at lunch, anticipating what Eldest’s reactions will be to nursery scandals and deciding which games they’ll play after 4pm.

There are always a million things to be getting on with around here, and I have enough creative projects simmering in my head to keep me going until the kids are in their thirties (!) but it will still feel too quiet in the house by the second week of the Autumn term.

I hope Hubby keeps working from home at least two days from five, or I might have to start meditating in my silent surroundings and actually produce all those books I’ve always promised myself I’ll write one day…!

 

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Ticking

Mental Health, Other Poetry No Comments »

Hello!

Following a journaling prompt to think about how I would know that a big goal of mine had finally been ticked off, I wrote the below:

 

With a blank page cackling,

And the self-doubt tackling

Each thought – sunlight dappling

That umpteenth can of pop;

She just sat there, pen tapping,

Her willpower kinda napping;

Inner patience worn and snapping

Wishing ticking hands would stop…

girl under time pressure

 

Who’s that person, not so needy,

Talking herself up? Indeedy:

She comes across now less than weedy,

Sometimes she’s even making sense!

As the junk-piles ‘round her teeter

Her harsh self-talk starts to peter,

Hesitations become fleeter –

Soul in receipt of recompense!

 

[Pic is from here]

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

In Training

Mental Health, Other Poetry No Comments »

Hey 🙂

Today’s ponderance of what thought-shifts I would need to have, so I can grab my dreams, led to:

 

“I’d bend the world unto my will,

Then every person’s cup would fill;

Lambs would frolic, bells would ring

Sunlight would splay o’er everything…”

 

Light at the end of the tunnel

But this mere speck has not that might,

Has chosen to remain contrite;

And sigh, and wish, and scribble lists

Journal about the ‘training’ missed.

 

All smoke and reflection to mask

Her fears about getting on task;

Of courting fame or spotlight stands –

When masterpieces leave her hands…

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

[Pic is from here]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

By Now

Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting No Comments »

Hey 🙂

Today was another lovely day, which we took with us to a beach on the Fife coast.  There is a craze at the moment for hiding painted stones for others to find and relocate to a spot of the finders choice.  We have been hunting around our local area, but had to hop over the Kincardine Bridge before we had any luck 😉 we discovered a lovely rock on the beach (from a nursery in those parts), and then Eldest and Hubby found three more beauties on their trek in the nearby woods. (Youngest’s legs were hurting, so I’d taken him back to the car for chat and cuddles)

The boys rehid the first rock on the beach, but have taken the other three home with us to plant wherever our next adventure takes us!  So grateful to the artists of these rocks, the boys loved looking at them.  We have painted some rocks too, but they are not varnished yet – must get onto that this week!

Youngest with a rock from the Daisychain Nursery Eldest with a 'Fife Rock' Eldest with a 'Fife Rock' Youngest with a 'Fife Rock'

 

My prompt for today was centred around whether I felt like I had specialised in any particular field during my life.  That somehow turned into a poem about measuring adulthood by deed…

 

‘They’ say that if, by forty,

You haven’t made the grade

At being fully functional

(Seldom adulting, in spades)

Then: “pressure’s off, it’s over!

You can relax now – just ‘be’!

You have lasted as a kiddie

Those grown-ups feel jealousy!!”

 

But what if you have avenues

You still want to explore,

Just woke up late, feel panicked,

Are left limping for the door?

The boys enjoying the beach

What if it isn’t that you aren’t

A fully fledged expert

At over-caring, worrying,

And slaying laundry dirt?

 

(Ok your cooking’s not that great,

Your house is pretty trashed,

Christmas seems to ambush you;

All your shoes are scraped and bashed…)

 

But you’ve a sense that destiny’s not ‘done’

It’s just biding its time,

Somehow this chaos that you’ve lived

Is fuelling the sublime;

That purpose and fulfilment may

Between the school bells lie,

A higher self just floating in

Forgiving, rainbowed, skies…?

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

Accumulative

Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting 2 Comments »

How do? 🙂

I have been thinking about what I deserve (and what I use) in my journal today.

 

I earned this –

A cup of hot coffee

In a quiet lounge, dishevelled by life.

 coffee in bed

The low thrum of discontent

Is purring in my lap;

Keeping one beady eye on the dust motes.

 

Pound signs accrue

In every creative thought –

I again swallow guilt with my beverage.

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

[Pic is from here]

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Success

Mental Health, Other Poetry No Comments »

Hello 🙂

I have been journaling around the idea of ‘success’ today…so I wrote an acrostic of it 😉

words associated with 'success'

 

Sucks to be me:

Understand that I am fragile,

Caress my ego before the

Cesspit of despair

Eats any progress you make.

Sit with me, and speak of victimisation;

Start a dialogue with dread.

 

 

[Pic is from here]

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

 

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

What Remains

Childhood, Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships No Comments »

Hiya

As much as I don’t want to put bad thoughts out into the universe and somehow magically bring them into being, I have very recurring worries as a parent.  The responsibilities are hard to switch off from, and my imagination can be a very dark place…

I struggle to get enough sleep overnight as my boys are restless sleepers at the best of times, but especially when they are having a growth spurt; which seems to follow closely on the heels of their birthdays!

Eldest has been having rather loud disagreements in his dreams (which he rarely remembers) this last week, and I am extra attuned to noises in the night at the moment with the boys only just over tummy bugs. Eldest is up really early because he becomes super hungry… I’m overtired and sleepy during the day just now, and relying on the odd nap with Youngest to buoy me whenever Hubby is around to collect Eldest from school.

The below came (in the early hours of today, while I listened to Eldest) from a nagging doubt of mine as I parent in this state…

 

The first thing I heard

Was the last sound he made;

As the breath escaped

Only my name remained.

And his body was warm

But the soul had not deigned

To wait for me.

 picture with a sky full of forboding

The blue lights

And the tears…

Cold tragedy.

 

That sleep I had resigned to stole my peace,

The price he paid will always be too steep;

My angel boy, adrift from mother’s arms,

Forsaken by my dulled panic alarm.

 

 

[Pic is from here

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Weeding

Mental Health, Other Poetry, Relationships No Comments »

Hey there!

Staying very much on the ‘career’ theme of journaling as the book appears to be doing this month, I have been turning my thoughts back to the decluttering drive that has become slightly off track this last month or so.  It is a well worn statement that we have to make room for new things to come into our lives, and come August I will have both my kids at school, and a chance to explore how I wish to fill my days.

I think I have also been affected by the audio series I have been addicted to this last week: Where Shall We Begin with Esther Perel.  If you are an Audible member and are intrigued by the thought of being allowed to listen into a couple’s therapy session, you may find this free series fascinating, too!! 

Whatever percolated it, the poem below is what emerged today:

 

I need this space.

Please leave me: token of remorse.

Please leave me: unfinished promise.

Please leave me: battered, torn hope.

 hearts on cords

With every card I unearth

I read the encouragement

Of another human hand on mine.

 

 

I may hoard them,

But their message

Once was lost.

 

In weeding out the bitterness

Their words at last take hold.

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

[Pic is from here]

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!