Hey 🙂
The ‘leftovers’ from yesterday were not speaking to me as a poem, so I put 20 minutes on my timer and let a character pop into my head to tell me of a woe she has:
Not Slips As On Anal Cover Stick An For Travel So Not Hellbent It’s
I looked at him, while trying to seem like I was not interested. It was a weird game I’m sure lots of other people tried back then, but now it just seems so stupid. I would berate myself for days over any slips I made: seeming too eager if he talked to me, making too much eye contact, arranging to hang out with too small a group of people to be a buffer between us…girls are strange beings, I’ve come to realise.
As I soldiered on with this incredibly anal stint, the poor guy was just trying to be my damn friend. He didn’t see me agreeing to sit at his table as ‘blowing my cover‘. He didn’t stick any labels on our time together at all. He just really seemed to enjoy my company.
He was an advocate for any kind of travel. He had great plans for after university, had taken that hallowed ‘year out’ already, and done some amazing stuff. I found his stories exhilarating, his trust that everything was going to work out was so not the way I was brought up to think; and yet irresistibly refreshing. The risks he had faced, the times when every circumstance seemed to suggest he was hellbent on failure, but a lucky break presented itself in the nick of time…I wanted to have that certainty, that passion and adventurous spirit; I wished I had the courage to do what he did and stand by his side through every crazy moment.
It’s a huge regret of mine that I never told him how I felt, that I waved him off (with the usual gang) at the airport that last time, and wished him a safe journey.
I wish he’d known how much I will always love him before he got married that summer: a whirlwind romance in New Zealand. Now I just have happy pictures to stare at on Facebook as he builds that perfect life he was always destined for – with someone else.
Every time I see his smile I hate myself, and more colour drains from my grey existence without him…
Oh no! 🙁 I rarely get to hear of happy endings from these ‘voices’ that show up in my head!
Have you a lost love that you pine for?
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