Deranged

Mental Health, Random poetry, Relationships Add comments

Hello everybody  😉

And…Happy Friday!! How has your week been?

I had a couple of conversations where my way of living came up in stark contrast to others’, this week. 

It is not a rare event, I am a controversial figure 😛  I have lots of ‘lazy/hippy’ ways and I’m not as apologetic about them as I ‘should’ be. 

But, you know, these days I am getting a lot better at seeing the merits in people living differently to me.  I do have a side that is ruthlessly efficient and looks at my messy house in absolute DESPAIR.  I had ideas about the things I would NEVER do when I became a wife, a mum, a role model etc etc.  I’ve broken my own rules and berated myself for it a little. 

Sometimes a lot.

However, stuff it.  I like talking to other people because it is good to constantly ask myself why I didn’t choose another path.  Why I am different.  Not to tear myself down, but to realise that it was all a choice. 

At times we can fall into ways of being and not analyse it and then feel stuck.  Like we are not the orchestrators of our own lives.  That somewhere down the road we sold out/got lazy/stopped trying/gave up. 

But if you delve deeper, usually it becomes clear that you are getting some sort of payoff from it.  That maybe the manner in which you are receiving that payoff needs tweaked a little (if it is destructive to your health, say) but you still need it. 

That is worth validating.

I like reminding myself that I am actually able to think about my life and make mature decisions –  and I’m not in the fortunate position I am because I sat back and put no work in! 

From Randomlists

My huge regret in life is that I made all the work a lot harder by repeatedly telling myself I was doing it badly.  By worrying about what others thought, who’d they’d tell those thoughts to – how then all the friends I had would hate me and I’d be alone forever

So I found a husband who doesn’t put much energy into that sort of thinking. Almost 12 years down the line from when we first met, I’m starting to cotton on 😉

The word ‘paddle’ in today’s words made me think of someone from way back at the start of my marriage.

 

Paddle  Glass  Parcel  Ritzy  Delightful  Shock  Oval  Deranged  Physical

There was this friend,

And she didn’t understand

How we could be content

Just to paddle.

Even before we had kids.

 

Married us: not raising a glass every night,

Not sending off for an

Expensive parcel for me;

Or dining in some ritzy place

(However delightful)

 

Her SHOCK at us being

Too oval to slip

Easily into her boxes –

At our deranged relationship

Not based on money, or the physical, alone.

 

Notebook page

Hours after I had written the poem, I looked up ‘oval’ in the Urban Dictionary.  I read the second definition there, and I think I will refer to hubby and myself this way from now on…

 

[Photo credit: pic of hubby taken by our eldest (then 4) in the summer of 2014]
Copyright © 2017  Montaffera All Rights Reserved
Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

2 Responses to “Deranged”

  1. Jane Wright Says:

    Raises interesting pictures in the mind!

  2. Montaffera Says:

    You’re welcome…heehee x

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