Corruption

Parenting, Random poetry Add comments

Hello 🙂

Well, our poor boys haven’t been awake much so far today.  This is doubly sad as normally they would be so excited to open Eldest’s presents together, and we had planned to make a big chocolate cake and go to Eldest’s favourite restaurant 

From Random Word Generator

🙁

Eldest asked me, in the early light of this morning, if we could still make the cake…but as he can’t even keep water down for more than a few hours, a day and a half into this bug, I had to explain that baking was not an option just now!

He still thinks I’m mean.

While watching over the boys at different times today, I have been looking at cleaning sites (as I do, frequently, in the Spring).  With the current circumstances I am just cleaning as I attend to the boys, and focussing on being there any time they open their eyes for water – but it was one of the (loose) goals for these Easter holidays to get our feet cleared a little.  Or even declutter a cupboard or two 😉

I think I have mentioned before, however, that part of me absolutely hates pretending to be domesticated – and another starts verbally beating me up every time I decide to revel in microfibre cloths and the vacuum!

I wish the inner critic would just butt out of my creative and domestic life for good.  It does me no real service – hence the poem.

 

 

Sharp  Tear  Precedent  Corruption  Question  Image  Time  Goal Distant

 

As sharp nudge of guilt

Forced its way into my gut;

I shed a tear, looked around –

A precedent was set:

Because the mess in this house,

Corruption of all my plans,

Only raised the questions

I always ask…

 

“Why oh why in this life

Can I never actually

Get the picture perfect place/

Living spaces of my dreams?

Why oh why do I not

Stick an image on my fridge?

Set a time goal, do the tasks

To achieve my distant aims?”

 

Such a downward spiral

Did such thoughts then set me on,

That I wielded the vacuum

In complete despair!

It took a four-year-old’s hand

Upon mine to bring me back;

Show me he and his brother

Are the key…

 

The green greeny…

One day I will have both these lovely critters of mine away at school all day.

In no time at all, they will be running their own lives, out at work or further education, maybe moving away from our home altogether (though both say that will never happen!).

I will watch the toys they love so much now be swapped for more grown up things; look at their changing fashion sense that I will have less and less say in; witness their first attempts, at everything along the way, grow into competence – as I have with their walking and talking and mastery of cutlery already.

As I see these usually lively boys of mine, sluggish in their beds (one supposedly celebrating a birthday) it hits me that a house without their noise in it is wrong to me.  That noise means industry, learning, endeavour and little personalities stretching themselves into who they will eventually become.  It is vital.

This noise usually has mess attached, too, but without it these wonderful boys of ours would have less of an experience of life.  Yes, it’s annoying, but it is necessary for their growth and development.  For me to get hung up on such a small part of the process of childhood, when I think about it properly, is really short-sighted.

I do my best some days, and slack others, but I am always working towards the greater good.

“You always look after us” said my Eldest to me, as the sun came up this morning, and his smile was gorgeous.

I am where I need to be, imperfect as it looks sometimes.  I’ll take this life over silence and neatness any day 😉

Though maybe sans the bugs…

 

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