What Remains

Childhood, Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships No Comments »

Hiya

As much as I don’t want to put bad thoughts out into the universe and somehow magically bring them into being, I have very recurring worries as a parent.  The responsibilities are hard to switch off from, and my imagination can be a very dark place…

I struggle to get enough sleep overnight as my boys are restless sleepers at the best of times, but especially when they are having a growth spurt; which seems to follow closely on the heels of their birthdays!

Eldest has been having rather loud disagreements in his dreams (which he rarely remembers) this last week, and I am extra attuned to noises in the night at the moment with the boys only just over tummy bugs. Eldest is up really early because he becomes super hungry… I’m overtired and sleepy during the day just now, and relying on the odd nap with Youngest to buoy me whenever Hubby is around to collect Eldest from school.

The below came (in the early hours of today, while I listened to Eldest) from a nagging doubt of mine as I parent in this state…

 

The first thing I heard

Was the last sound he made;

As the breath escaped

Only my name remained.

And his body was warm

But the soul had not deigned

To wait for me.

 picture with a sky full of forboding

The blue lights

And the tears…

Cold tragedy.

 

That sleep I had resigned to stole my peace,

The price he paid will always be too steep;

My angel boy, adrift from mother’s arms,

Forsaken by my dulled panic alarm.

 

 

[Pic is from here

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Weeding

Mental Health, Other Poetry, Relationships No Comments »

Hey there!

Staying very much on the ‘career’ theme of journaling as the book appears to be doing this month, I have been turning my thoughts back to the decluttering drive that has become slightly off track this last month or so.  It is a well worn statement that we have to make room for new things to come into our lives, and come August I will have both my kids at school, and a chance to explore how I wish to fill my days.

I think I have also been affected by the audio series I have been addicted to this last week: Where Shall We Begin with Esther Perel.  If you are an Audible member and are intrigued by the thought of being allowed to listen into a couple’s therapy session, you may find this free series fascinating, too!! 

Whatever percolated it, the poem below is what emerged today:

 

I need this space.

Please leave me: token of remorse.

Please leave me: unfinished promise.

Please leave me: battered, torn hope.

 hearts on cords

With every card I unearth

I read the encouragement

Of another human hand on mine.

 

 

I may hoard them,

But their message

Once was lost.

 

In weeding out the bitterness

Their words at last take hold.

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

[Pic is from here]

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

Me

Other Poetry, Relationships No Comments »

Hello

I am backdating this, as I did write it on the date above, but was exhausted from my day (and probably from National Poetry Month?!) so I curled up with a Kindle Book instead of finishing this post 😉

I have bought The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime in Kindle format, too; and decided that I would start straight away and see if I could not only journal about each prompt, but get a poem out of it as well!

The below came from my scribbles, the evening of the 1st of May:

 

A squirrel of knowledge

Storing tid-bits

For conversations

That may happen hence

(This book/

That site/

Those videos

May save you.)

triangle

 

A spinner of stories,

Explainer of everyday

(In flagrantly fancy funicular fashion)

 

A ditzy detailer, dancing

With melancholic memories.

 

Ferociously foraging

For finite fathomableness.

 

What is strange is that after I wrote this poem, the lovely Sandy wrote a very flattering comment to me on Facebook (in response to a post about me being proud of my #NaPoWriMo efforts) which ended:

“It’s like you’re rummaging through words and then stringing them into something beautiful to read”

I feel Sandy got the essence of my creative process spot on, and also continued the theme of tonight’s poem! I loved playing with alliteration in this piece.  The end result may not be beautiful every time, but it usually makes part of me smile.  It cheers me to think my readers feel like that too!

*Waves to Sandy from the screen*

 

[Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9; Pic is from here]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Cowardly Caterwaul (#NaPoWriMo Day 29)

#NaPoWriMo, Other Poetry, Relationships No Comments »

Hi!

I’m on the penultimate poem of my first crack at National Poetry Month!  Wow!

The prompt was to go and pick a Silvia Plath poem from the selection linked, and write my own piece that related to it in some way.  I chose The Courage Of Shutting-Up which I read for the first time this evening and love 😉

Here is my response:

 

COWARDLY CATERWAUL

 

I knew it!  I knew it!

He’s done it again,

I’m rubbing my nails on my top;

Shining the claws

Before digging them in

(With teeth just behind them in line)

shouting woman

 

A worm-turn,

A blasting,

A full-throttle ride out

Of everything I think is true.

 

A cartoon-like rattling,

A pepp’ring of flesh;

And a dead man: tripped up and confused…

 

[Pic is from here]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

A Caution (#NaPoWriMo Day 25)

#NaPoWriMo, Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships No Comments »

Hey there 🙂

I have been enjoying this month of writing, and have written a poem for every prompt so far, unfortunately my menfolk have been ill so I have become a little behind on my posting!  I will be endeavouring to catch up over the next day or so.

Today’s prompt was to write a warning label – for myself!

I think mine turned into more of a pamphlet…

 

 

Keep unit away from excessive noise.

Feed every 3-4 hours.

Do not let this device come into contact with Arachnids

or those experiencing nausea,

as may short-circuit.

 

Take to places of beauty frequently.

Air well.

Allow device to wash itself at least once a day.

Protect from strong sunlight after

half an hour’s exposure.

 

Picture of Montaffera

Unit is waterproof, but may not function well in heavy rain

or snow.

 

Ensure to store within easy reach of interesting books,

lots of craft materials,

a comfortable chair, a bathroom

and an internet connection.

 

Recharge for at least 8 hours a day.

If unit appears sluggish:

  1. Try giving it fresh air and/or a nap.
  2. If that fails, administer chocolate and a therapeutic environment.

N.B: Keep away from children for at least an hour,

then test carefully.

 

Do not rile: may become sarcastic.

Approximately once a month, this model can display

prolonged crying sprees;

hugs will greatly help in this situation.

(Manufacturer can also be called, in extreme circumstances)

 

Manufacturer may visit

up to once a week to check unit function

and provide backup facilities.

These visits will be negotiated on an ongoing basis.

 

Handle with care.

Provide unit with ample opportunities

to exercise, eat, maintain its appearance

and feel that it is autonomous;

and it should serve you well for years to come.

 

Clothing and make-up etc sold separately.

May require more food than pictured.

Model shown is not indicative of the size

your unit may choose to maintain.

 

 

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Elegiac Optimism (#NaPoWriMo Day 24)

#NaPoWriMo, Other Poetry, Relationships 1 Comment »

Hello!

Today I was tasked with writing a poem in memory of someone dead, that had a hopeful element to it.

You can judge for yourself if I succeeded!

 

I lowered you down…

But I don’t really feel

That I did.

It seems dreamlike

Because I haven’t visited

‘You’ since.

 

That stone

Marking your new home…

I saw a picture of it

And dissolved:

Outright refused

To continue with my day.

 

golden wings

(That was the Monday

Before menses returned,

After giving you

A third great-grandchild)

 

There is something soothing

About sobbing in a shower.

 

I’ve avoided Grandad’s house

In case my bubble gets burst.

Much easier to talk of you,

And share you with my kids,

Than walk your rooms

Without you.

 

My dreams still waft Crabtree and Evelyn,

Your cardis still hold hankies well;

 

You’re there in the crook of my finger,

Your smiles within my wrinkles dwell.

 

 

[Pic is from here]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Expressive Cloth Pt. 5

Expressive Cloth, Facebook Collaborations, Longer Shorts, Parenting, Random Short Stories, Relationships No Comments »

Hey!

So we have come to the last part of the story!

(Here’s the rest-scroll down for the instalment you need)

Textfixer gave me these:

Textfixer words

 

and off I went 😉

 

Violence   Vixen   Groan   Greasy   Binocular   Allowable   Expert   Guideline   Bounce

According to Abe and his colleagues at the FBI, this ex of hers had been violence incarnate.  He had kept tabs on every woman he had ever been with, but appeared particularly obsessed with Mary.  She’d never really talked about him, and always liked to come across as a self-assured ‘vixen’, so I was shocked when Abe told me it had got as far out of hand at one stage.

Abe said that the first sound Mary had made when they found her was a groan.  She’d been tied up on the floor of a greasy, run down kitchen in a back alley.  Apparently, she’d been beaten so badly her binocular vision was affected permanently – if I had known that I would never have performed with her.  It gives me palpitations even now when I think of how lucky we were every night…

Her ex was not the kind of man to let such a prized ‘possession’ go easily.  She was pursued across state lines many times and only had a few years of peace while he was behind bars for something else.

There were miniscule margins for errors allowable in the plan.  Gavrill was an expert at illusions, and meticulous in his planning; so I tried to quell my anxieties that night.  Gavrill had gone over every guideline with Mary and me numerous times, and we had managed to keep the specifics from Maria.  She had to believe her mother was falling to her death, too.  That was the part I really hated about the plan, but it needed to be that way to keep her safe.

As the night drew nearer, I knew I couldn’t watch.  Even with Gavrill’s assurances,  I couldn’t help thinking of his son and how bitterly he was still missed…

Mary and I planned to use my car afterwards to get her to that late flight.

When I heard the news I ran, and somehow expected it all to be part of her ‘farewell flourish’.  People were saying that the audience watched her head bounce up horribly, which ultimately caused irreparable damage and killed her very quickly.

Maria did not touch Mary’s limp body, and I have never seen her cry about it.  She’s just thrown herself into work and doesn’t want me to be sad, either.  “She died doing what she loved” she says.  She’s so much stronger than me.

As I watch Maria going through Mary’s routines in those same costumes, I can almost trick myself into believing we never lost her.  Mary’s expressions and mannerisms live on in our daughter as if somehow Mary’s spirit is woven into the ceiling of the big top itself; breathing her essence into everything Maria undertakes.

 

Thank you again to Michelle for choosing the inspirational photo, and I hope you will all join me after the weekend for another story based on a prompt (which I always need your help with, so please visit my Facebook sticky post challenge…link is below).

See you soon!

 

Pssst!!! I need inspiration for the coming weeks – follow the instructions on my Facebook’s ‘sticky post’ challenge if you want to help me out by choosing a picture and generator for me to play with!

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Expressive Cloth Pt. 4

Expressive Cloth, Facebook Collaborations, Longer Shorts, Parenting, Random Short Stories, Relationships No Comments »

Hello!

(Here are parts one, two and three)

These are the words Textfixer pumped out for me today:

Textfixer words

Phenomenal  Blame   Heroes   Dolphins   Invention   Jack-knife   Friend   Federal   Hectic

There was a phenomenal amount of press coverage when mum died.  Most of the tabloids seemed to hint at dad being to blame.  Like all tragic heroes in life, he still thinks that way.  His name was cleared pretty quickly, but he regrets not being there that night.

I was there, however.  I saw what she did.

“Even dolphins are not monogamous, it’s not an intelligent move to stick with just one lover” he’d said afterwards, gesturing towards the big pool across the grounds.  “It’s just an invention of your romantic mind to think she was all mine.  But I loved her.”

I couldn’t comprehend him at the time, and I still struggle with that point of view.  It had all seemed so simple as I watched her jack-knife to the floor.

Our circus family gathered round us, dad had a friend from university in some federal position that quickened the autopsy; and we were ok again.

Life soon became hectic as my talents were recognised (at long last).  I could do all of mum’s stunts, and I brought Marco on board to help; unfortunately, dad refused to perform with me.  It was not quite how I had envisioned it, but no matter.

 

Pssst!!! I need inspiration for the coming weeks – follow the instructions on my Facebook’s ‘sticky post’ challenge if you want to help me out and choose a picture and generator for me to play with!

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

Expressive Cloth Pt. 3

Expressive Cloth, Facebook Collaborations, Longer Shorts, Random Short Stories, Relationships No Comments »

Hey 🙂

I still have no real idea where this story is heading, but it seems to be the father talking in tonight’s piece.

(Here are parts one and two if you missed them)

 

Camel   Meat   Prime   Beads   Hangover   Mushroom   Melt   Behold   Illegal

“In my country, there are camel butchers!”

I am not convinced that this argument should have mentioned the animal’s meat; now not only the keeper but the beast itself was grumpy.  I swear that camel could understand everything us humans said.

This is a prime example of why I don’t live here.  Any time, day or night, there seems to be a passionate exchange.  I know these are performing people, but it wears on me.  The sequins and beads I can handle, but I like to retreat after the show, not earn a bruised hangover by having a punch-up behind a trailer – while high after Madam Vogera’s ‘special’ mushroom stroganoff…

I stood watching the strong words escalate, biding my time to step in and calm things down.  It is what I do, how I made their icy stares melt when Mary first brought me here.  I care about them all, I care about their troubles and see how hard they work.  I know they are family to each other in every sense of the word.  Lo and behold, just as I thought my services were needed, Ammon said something so ludicrous in his anger that  Gregor leaned against his camel and roared with laughter; which made Ammon follow suit.  Then there was the shaking of hands and a promise to share whatever illegal herb was to be added to that night’s evening meal.  I was again glad that I would be heading home for a microwaved meal and some tame television.

 

I read this on Wikipedia about camel meat.  I’m not going to try it any time soon, though.

I wrote today’s piece with eldest going absolutely crackers in the background, so I think the tenses are out and I was also quite surprised it hung together at all…

I am hoping tomorrow’s words boost my imagination and I figure out what the point is behind all this chat the two speakers have given us so far.  C’mon subconscious, do your stuff 😉

 

Pssst!!! I need inspiration for next week – please follow the instructions on my Facebook’ssticky postchallenge if you want to help me out and choose a picture and generator for me to play with! Thaaaank Yoooou!!

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Expressive Cloth Pt. 2

Expressive Cloth, Facebook Collaborations, Longer Shorts, Parenting, Random Short Stories, Relationships No Comments »

Hi!

Today Textfixer gave me ‘hoopla’ in the mix!  Weird…

Today's words from Textfixer

We are on to the second instalment of this week’s story; here is part one if you need it.

Hoopla   Salt   Humility   Innocent   Crusher   Forlornness   Block   Feather   Cursed

It’s not all hoopla stalls, and it’s more salt of the earth than villains that make up circus life.  I’m not best friends with an elephant, nor do I have a pet monkey. (My dad used to read me Enid Blyton’s books too, you know).

I face stereotyping a lot: people are surprised that I chose this.  I’m not going to embrace a false humility, I’m proud of what I do.   I wasn’t forced into it as some poor innocent, nor was I running away.  I have talents outside of the tent, but the business of putting on a show is my first love. 

Never be the crusher of someone’s idea of a dream life, even if it looks wildly different to yours.  We work hard here, but we follow our passions.  The thrill of a crowd-gasp reverberates deep in my soul, I’m not going to sit around like dad does: wallowing in my forlornness, trying to block out emotions that should be expressed.

The world looks at its best from high up.  I can see the lie of the land, rise above the mundane – soar although I wear but one feather on my head…

It’s a physical poetry.  It should not be sullied by superstitious nay-sayers and claims that its cursed.

Freedom is living with little regret.  Something my father refuses to learn.

 

A different voice today.  I wasn’t expecting that!  She seems suitably theatrical though, I might grow to like her 😉

See you tomorrow for part three…

Pssst!!! I need inspiration for next week – please follow the instructions on my Facebook’ssticky postchallenge if you want to help me out and choose a picture and generator for me to play with! Thaaaank Yoooou!!

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!