Fermentation

Mental Health, Parenting, Random poetry 1 Comment »

Hi!

I was not inspired to write anything by my journal prompt today, so I asked Textfixer for some fodder instead. 

Textfixer word selection

I then wrote two similar poems, following my usual rules for each.  Which do you think works the best?

 

1.

In twelve more years,

There’ll be two decades’ worth

Of fermentation

Spilling over laptop screens,

Peeking out of bookshelves.

My sugar turning bitter:

Forbidden’ activity

Producing wealth at last.

Balled up attempts

 

The ultimate prank:

Push forth life, take care of it,

Be the officer of its welfare;

Laser focus on the important

And find inner peace”

 

Many a frustrated cadaver

Would expound

(If allowed voice)

On how this is not real life.

 

 

 

2.

In twelve years:

Two decades mum.

What fermentation will I see?

If all is kept forbidden

My sugar starved of oxygen –

A dark red run

Acidic and thin?

zombie lady

 

The prank of the push

Motherhood:

The arresting officer of motivation,

Energy,

Identity,

Time.

 

My head full of laser scars:

Focus obliterated the inner world

With each task ticked off.

This walking cadaver

Stinks up every conversation;

Blue–lipped, slack–limbed

And hungry for brains.

 

 

I’m plumping for the second one 😉

 

Pics are from here and here

 

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Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Count

Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting 2 Comments »

Hello 🙂

Today the kids (as has happened every day since we came back from West Cork) decided that they ‘only’ want to play sporty stuff in the garden with Daddy, not go somewhere further afield.  I am an optional extra to their plans, as Hubby is on annual leave.

I chose to stay in, and journaled around today’s question in Hannah Braime’s book, about how I could be kind to myself…

 

When I am old

Yes, today may not ‘count’:

The cups of tea I drank,

The songs I sang;

The smiles my husband gave while chasing balls

Swatted back to him by little hands.

Woman holding an hourglass

 

In futures hence, this solitude means naught:

The dust motes that I noted

Pages read;

The sunbeams that I savoured just through glass

Yesterday’s hair I still sported in bed.

 

A busy world undoes the fragile link

One has with breath and thought and calm and peace;

A tip towards the chasm/

Thirsty soul

Has me running for quiet release.

It is a pretzel twist I get into:  I had time to myself and was ‘still’ – but busy – and ultimately have now shared my solitude with the world.

So was Art the point here, or have I missed it?!

Was I being kind to myself letting the poetry come through me, or was I just dwelling on things as usual…?

😉

 

[Pic is from here]

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Explained Absence

Parenting, Things I Made This Week No Comments »

Hello, all!!

 

How have you been?!

 

Blogging fatigue

I have read that bloggers get to a point, after a year or so in, where they find it all overwhelming.  I slammed into that unwelcome milestone around mid-May.

I beat myself up about things like this, but the truth is that I have never been comfortable with a lot of ‘musts’ at once, so sometimes I abruptly drop the non-essentials and refocus to keep sane.  The mothering side of my life got steadily more intense this last school term, and I also had a few health niggles that were slowing me down, so I decided to not let the blog become something I resented instead of the source of release and pride it had been up til then.

Thanks to all those who asked after me and my writings, it’s nice to know I was missed!

 

Bring on the holidays!

Youngest has now left nursery behind him for ever, Eldest has finished Primary 3, and we have entered the third week of the (Scottish) summer holidays as a family unit (Hubby is on annual leave).  We have directed our attention towards decluttering our garage once and for all in the afternoons, having spent lots of quality time with the kids in the mornings.

We all flew back from West Cork on the evening of The statue of Danno O'Mahoney. He became the world heavyweight wrestling champion in 1935. Signature move: The Irish WhipFriday the 13th(!), after a gloriously sunny time with Hubby’s parents and brothers.  We managed to: celebrate my Mother In Law’s birthday, hit 3 beaches in 5 days, visit more family members, see the Schull Sunday Market, wander around the Model Railway Village in Clonakilty and pose with the statue of Danno the Wrestler (to whom Hubby is distantly related) in Ballydehob; among other things.

We did not have access to WiFi in the cottage that we rented for the week, and we flew over, so I didn’t bring my fully-functioning laptop for blog/Facebook updates while away.  I do have a few photos to share from our trip, however.  You will see that our boys and their uncles continued cementing their friendship for the duration 😉

 

The two sets of brothers at Barley Bay, West Cork, Ireland Eldest surveying the view at the Model Railway Village, Clonakilty Youngest controlling a model boat at the Model Railway Village, Clonakilty Spot of chess with an uncle Our boys with their dad and uncle at The Warren, Rosscarbery, West Cork

 

Crocheted Creations

Although May and June seemed awash with events to help with Youngest’s transition into Primary one/birthday parties to attend/Primary Three homework and endless notable dates…etc etc…I did let my creative side out to play now and then.

I made a ‘worry holder’ (as opposed to a ‘worry eater’) for a friend who had suffered a recent bereavement, adapting this pattern by Sarah Sloyer (@critterbeans on Instagram).  I held two strands of yarn together so that the finished cat came out bigger, added a pocket on the front to slip pieces of paper into, and made the front paws longer (and stripy to match her back) so that I could position them to appear ‘huggable’.  I chose to make her have closed eyes to try and put across a non-judgemental vibe, as sometimes what comes up in grief can seem trivial or self-indulgent, but needs to be expressed nonetheless.

To me, the cat appeared matronly and as if she could make one a nice cup of tea in the end, so I was pleased with her 😉

Next, I whipped up this little pattern by PurpleDragon57, for another friend who was also needing a yarny hug.  I went with the colours of a well-known beagle, and had fun doing it!  (Youngest gave it extra hugs to send along before I packaged it up)

 

Pièce de résistance?

Then Youngest handed me one of my biggest challenges yet: he drew a picture of his ‘Nursewy Teecha’ and asked me “can you make a dolly of my pictcha, please Mummy?  I think she’d really like that…”.

Youngest's drawing of his 'Nursewy Teecha'

Youngest changed the design brief of her dress and eyelashes to yellow and wanted her hair to be black, but he said that the rest of the dolly should look pretty much like his drawing.  Youngest helped me pick out yarn from my cupboard stash, then came to visit me over the next week or so as I sat near bedroom windows and wrestled with how, exactly, one judges the number of stitches’ difference there should be between a dolly’s lopsided limbs; or where one should hide the stray ends of dark blue yarn so they don’t mar painstakingly worked out yellow stitches…

 

Youngest chose the button for the dolly’s tummy, personally approved the levelling of the plastic eyes, and okayed the length of the toes. He was rather liberal with his praise during the process too, and hugged me a lot, which always helps my critical side to back off!

 

 

A Request

I was also commissioned to write a poem in honour of a 40th birthday, and luckily both the recipient and the ‘client’ were happy with the results.  (I wrote a poem for a Hen Night a few months ago, and that had spurred the request). It is satisfying to collect someone’s personal anecdotes and details, and then weave them into rhyming lines for them.  I might do more of this kind of work in the future…

 

Audible Goodies

My journaling may have fallen by the wayside a bit through the busy Spring/Summer term, but I am still very interested in all the psychological insights my Audible library’s picks have been turning up for me. I started listening to The Awakened Family by Dr. Shefali Tsabury the day I finished her first book, then alternated this with incessantly consuming the Audible series Kick-Ass With Mel Robbins.

Have I mentioned before how much I like these two ladies’ take on life?!

I found myself giggling on the school run come mid-June, while listening to David R Hamilton’s self-depreciating tales in I ♥ Me: The Science of Self-Love.  I also realised his musings on consciousness match up to my personal suspicions…

 

A Series – of Unfortunate Events

There is a free (to members) Audible series I have listened to in its entirety twice over these last few weeks:  West Cork by Jennifer Forde and Sam Bungey.  This tells the sad (and yet often bizarre) tale of Sophie Toscan du Plantier’s (true) unsolved murder, that occured near Schull in West Cork just before Christmas 1996 – and the subsequent investigation.  As I mentioned at the start of this post, my family and I are just back from West Cork: we hired a cottage not far from Schull and we even visited the Sunday market and saw the ‘main suspect’ at his stall (we had planned to go to the market anyway, then Hubby and I were listening to episode 9 together on the Saturday night and it dawned on us who we might see there).

It is a surreal experience to walk up to someone, knowing so much but being a stranger.   I just attempted to look through the ‘paranoids’ that he wears – and smiled. He smiled back after a second…and then my boys pulled me away to look elsewhere.

 

On a Lighter Note

As a bit of a reprieve from all this deep serious stuff, I have downloaded Agatha Christie’s Poirot’s Finest Cases to my Audible account (why do I find more tales of murder comforting?!) and Emma Davies’ Letting In Light to my Kindle app (with audio added), and I am enjoying them while doing housey things, and in between hanging out with the kids and Hubby.

Sunset on Friday 13th, flying towards Edinburgh airport

 

So, I think I have had quite a varied sojourn away from the blog, but it’s high time I scooted back here and did some regular writing again.

Any requests/suggestions/orders…??

😀

 

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Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

 

Present Expertise

Childhood, Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships No Comments »

Hey there 🙂

I am still digesting all that I heard in the audiobook The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali Tsabary, which I finished two days ago – and I am already mainlining her second book The Awakened Family on Audible!  

She talks about children being masters of living in the present moment, and how this is an absolute GIFT to their parents (if only we saw it as such).  It is scary when I view my kids through her eyes…but it can only make me a better mother and person, right?! 

 

I watch you revelling in your inner world

And wonder how mine splintered off so far;

The beauty that you witness all around

The doors leading off that you see ajar…

Youngest, Legoing Eldest leading me higher

Forgive me for my fearfulness and pain

In not reaching yet who I need to be,

Thank you for all the ways you display grace

And guide me home, through storm clouds, towards me.

 

 

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Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Smoke

Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting 2 Comments »

Hello!

I was pondering where my niche may be, today.

All this journaling and thinking has made me crave the cigarettes I gave up for good in my late twenties.  I’m sure that this is significant and means I should keep probing 😉

 

In imaginary smoke

I puff out all

The indignities.

 Woman smoking in band t-shirt

Part of me still insists

I look cool in these shades.

 

In my head, it’s purple dusk.

(Those sunglasses rendered useless).

 

Enigmatically I stand:

In a long coat,

Hair in a quiff.

 

Back here, in reality,

Another school day begins.

 

[Pic is from here]

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

Balance

Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships No Comments »

Hello 🙂

This foray came to me while pondering ‘balance’ in my journal:

Person on a tight-rope over a canyon

 

Which scale should I measure from?

What fool would proclaim balance –

In any form –

Lives here?

 

This photograph is propaganda:

There’s no telling where our minds were

When we posed for this.

 

A decade ago

Was a different skin.

It began to peel

As my stitches healed.

 

Those surgeons pulled out multiple lives;

Sliced through more than meat.

 

The scar is growing fainter,

Subsumed by metamorphic grace.

 

[Pic is from here]

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

The Ache

Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships No Comments »

Falling awake

The ache, the ache;

Every mistake

The ache, the ache.

 'BE'

Your noise follows me

To the ends of my tree,

I look down and I pray for release;

So far away

The dark close to the day

Even then, this onslaught will not cease.

 

Falling awake

The ache, the ache;

Wisdom intake

The ache, the ache.

 

I hear all your pain

In your thunderous reign

And I ‘get’ that you’re reflecting mine;

But I cannot deal

With relentless appeals

Don’t you see there’s a creative line?

 

Falling awake

The ache, the ache;

Barriers break

The ache, the ache.

Buddha figurine, meditating 

I’m supposed to sit still,

Study each bitter pill,

Emerge stronger, on some higher plane;

Not react to the fuss

(All this ‘trivial’ stuff)

That somehow gets stuck in my brain.

 

Falling awake

The ache, the ache;

Pathetic fake

The ache, the ache.

 

My eyes stuck on the prize

Shrugging off this disguise:

There’s a Wonder Woman in this dust.

I just wish I had known

‘Fore these babies were born –

But I needed their guidance to trust…

 

Falling awake

The ache, the ache;

Internal quakes

The ache, the ache.

 

Falling awake

The ache, the ache;

Too much at stake

The ache, the ache.

I am really being affected by listening to Dr. Shefali Tsabary’s book The Conscious Parent on Audible.  I feel important (and long overdue) changes are afoot 🙂

(Don’t delve into Tsabary’s work without hankies, a journal/notebook and a willingness to look your demons straight in the eye.  You have been warned!!)

[Pics are from here and here]

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Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

Player?

Childhood, Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships 2 Comments »

Hi 🙂

Today I was to ponder how work and play are defined in my world, using my journal.  The lines are somewhat blurred in my life at the moment!

The more I acquaint myself with the updated neuroscience in Steve Biddulph’s Raising Boys, the more I realise this dynamic may not be changing much for the next 20 years or so 😉  Hopefully I’ll have two wonderfully healthy and well-adjusted young men toasting my 60th at the end of it, however…

 

Blue eyes and brown

They hate coming down

From their rooms to the sound of our beeper.

(It heralds goodbye)

On the landing they lie

One protesting, one feigning a ‘sleeper’.

Youngest on scooter and Eldest walking

 

With fake snoring aside,

And debates all been tried,

They succumb to inevitable hurry;

Twisted-heel socks put right,

Shoes with matched feet inside:

We grab coats, bags – then ‘cross paths we scurry.

 

On my way home to food

(Mind a little unglued)

I have Spotify feeding me soundbites;

They balloon in my brain

‘Til I don’t feel the same –

Potential now reaching for new heights.

 

Through the vacuuming gigs

And the laundry bin digs

There are YouTube, and Audible goodies.

(Or I’ll turn on the news

While some stitches accrue,

And I sample ‘craft-angst’ with my cookies…)

Youngest racing Eldest to go and hide painted rocks!

 

Back with youngest again

All the questions begin,

As I size up his mood and his morning.

As we mosey on home

I field requests (and moans)

Witness his schoolboy self ‘terraforming’.

 

We do lunchtime and then

Giant cuddles [for men

Need this most vital act in their childhood;

And, being a huggy type

As I am, it feels right

To attempt this – no matter our mood]

 

Then with one sleepy spud

‘Buggied up’, and our ‘crud’

All slung over the handles, we move it;

Down to Eldest at school

(Where we try not to duel

While I dole out the snacks, with good spirits)

 

After dinner, laundry –

An anecdote or three –

It is time for the playroom clean-up;

Daddy comes home and helps,

I claim time for myself

And do blog stuff o’er milky tea cup.

 

Homework done now, with dad,

It’s father-time for the lads

And this is where duff-ups ensue;

I emerge from my dreams,

As peace rips at the seams,

(Daddy needing a backup or two)

 

There are cuddles and tears

Talking-round of jeers,

Then those separate showers begin.

I hear stories anew

From each boy and we, too,

Speak about what tomorrow may bring.

 

Uniforms all laid out,

Suppered boys on the scout

For what tale they may now want to hear;

We cuddle and read,

Applaud every good deed,

Then it’s duvets tucked up to their ears!

 

Official adult time

Commences about nine,

But we might not have been fed just yet…

We navigate this

And settle to the biz

Of reclaiming creative outlets.

 

All too soon – call of bed

And that cold parent dread

That one child might scream out (around 3);

But still our eyes close –

“Que Sera…” we suppose –

For sure: as our tykes grow, here we’ll be.

 

Well, that turned out to be a little longer than originally anticipated!

It is nice to get our routine down on ‘paper’ like this, however, as it will all change in a few short months.  I am trying to slow the passage of time down in my mind and really savour the boys.  For all it will be liberating to have 6 hours’ worth of kid-free time, I know I will miss Youngest’s wee eager face telling me his insights around mouthfuls of buttered roll at lunch, anticipating what Eldest’s reactions will be to nursery scandals and deciding which games they’ll play after 4pm.

There are always a million things to be getting on with around here, and I have enough creative projects simmering in my head to keep me going until the kids are in their thirties (!) but it will still feel too quiet in the house by the second week of the Autumn term.

I hope Hubby keeps working from home at least two days from five, or I might have to start meditating in my silent surroundings and actually produce all those books I’ve always promised myself I’ll write one day…!

 

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

Fill ’em up…

Other Poetry, Parenting, Relationships No Comments »

Hi!

Since yesterday I have been watching YouTube videos featuring Dr. Shefali Tsabary, who is a family psychologist…and she blows my mind.  It is like the universe is pulling no punches whatsoever. The Impact Theory video where Tom interviews her popped up in a long line of Mel Robbins recommendations (I still love listening to Mel when I need a butt kick) and as I had never heard of Dr Tsabary, I clicked through…

I do feel that there is an impish spirit that likes guiding me around the internet.  I spotted Hubby’s profile on a dating site’s match list 13 years ago, but only the once – after the site had randomly reset some of my search criteria for me – let’s not forget 😉

I have also received my updated version of Raising Boys by Steve Biddulph (another family psychologist) in the post today (a well-timed ad on Facebook led to that purchase!), so expect some ponderances on parenting over the next wee while! 

My journal prompt for today asked me to think about what I love to do, and I answered ‘reading and learning’, so it all fits in nicely.

The poem below is a partial digest of my watching Lewis Howes’ interview with the good Dr T.

My words came to me in the shower, then were scribbled hastily before I did the school run!

 

All of these ancestors

Spinning in their graves,

Light years away

But still you’re their slave.

 

Newborn crying

We talk all this up

As if walking out is bad,

Proffering hymn sheets

Declaring God is sad.

 

Reality’s distorted

And still we’re running scared,

Our children are floundering

And wholly unprepared

For the barrage of dogma

That we all see fit to preach.

(As if we are the experts

And kids aren’t here to teach…)

 

I think I will probably lengthen and tweak this a bit as I get deeper into my study of my chosen psychologists’ wisdom. Gotta love a bit of therapy from the comfort of your own home, eh?!  Totally fascinating 🙂

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

[Pic is from here]

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!

 

By Now

Mental Health, Other Poetry, Parenting No Comments »

Hey 🙂

Today was another lovely day, which we took with us to a beach on the Fife coast.  There is a craze at the moment for hiding painted stones for others to find and relocate to a spot of the finders choice.  We have been hunting around our local area, but had to hop over the Kincardine Bridge before we had any luck 😉 we discovered a lovely rock on the beach (from a nursery in those parts), and then Eldest and Hubby found three more beauties on their trek in the nearby woods. (Youngest’s legs were hurting, so I’d taken him back to the car for chat and cuddles)

The boys rehid the first rock on the beach, but have taken the other three home with us to plant wherever our next adventure takes us!  So grateful to the artists of these rocks, the boys loved looking at them.  We have painted some rocks too, but they are not varnished yet – must get onto that this week!

Youngest with a rock from the Daisychain Nursery Eldest with a 'Fife Rock' Eldest with a 'Fife Rock' Youngest with a 'Fife Rock'

 

My prompt for today was centred around whether I felt like I had specialised in any particular field during my life.  That somehow turned into a poem about measuring adulthood by deed…

 

‘They’ say that if, by forty,

You haven’t made the grade

At being fully functional

(Seldom adulting, in spades)

Then: “pressure’s off, it’s over!

You can relax now – just ‘be’!

You have lasted as a kiddie

Those grown-ups feel jealousy!!”

 

But what if you have avenues

You still want to explore,

Just woke up late, feel panicked,

Are left limping for the door?

The boys enjoying the beach

What if it isn’t that you aren’t

A fully fledged expert

At over-caring, worrying,

And slaying laundry dirt?

 

(Ok your cooking’s not that great,

Your house is pretty trashed,

Christmas seems to ambush you;

All your shoes are scraped and bashed…)

 

But you’ve a sense that destiny’s not ‘done’

It’s just biding its time,

Somehow this chaos that you’ve lived

Is fuelling the sublime;

That purpose and fulfilment may

Between the school bells lie,

A higher self just floating in

Forgiving, rainbowed, skies…?

 

[I am currently journaling (and writing poems) around prompts from The Year Of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts For Creative Self Discovery by Hannah Braime – Kindle ASIN: B076Z6Y5L9]

 

 

Come visit the Facebook page and follow @ComfyRestless on Twitter

Copyright © 2018  Montaffera All Rights Reserved

Please do not use any of my content (posts, pictures, poetry etc) without my permission, but feel free to link back to my blog if something catches your eye. Thank you!