Autumnal Imposter

Mental Health, Random poetry, Relationships Add comments

Hello 🙂

I am sitting with my milky cup of tea, looking out of our Eldest’s window at bright November sunshine this morning.  I dug out the quirky china mug that my Auntie bought me for my (second, I think?!) pregnancy and I am savouring how it keeps my caffeine hit warmer than other mugs.

The sky is the colour of a happy watercolour wash, and it is peppered by the snowflake stickers we stuck on the glass a few Christmases ago – Eldest asked to keep them there, so we did.  There are also still some of the chalk pen doodles from a few years ago, because he finds them nice to look at and I’m not picky about how it appears from outside.

I am not an Autumn lover, but I can appreciate it has beauty in it.  The colours can be breathtaking, the symbolism raw – and the general lean towards knitwear, layers and crafting obviously works in my favour 😉

I really should share a happy poem for this gorgeous-yet-frosty day…but the generator had other ideas.

Textfixer said:

So I responded:

 

imposter, blizzard, unsure, phenomenal, locust, distancing, rude, addictive, liberating

 

It’s a syndrome, apparently:

This feeling of being an imposter, hiding in plain sight.

 

Trapped in a blizzard of shoulds

Unsure which way is up.

 

Phenomenal self-doubt descends:

A locust storm munching

On all the harvest

You once thought you could count on.

 

Distancing oneself

From all who like to think they matter

Becomes a way of life. 

 

At first it feels rude,

But the relief becomes addictive.

 

That liberating silence in one’s head

Is better than any mere drug.

 

Maybe I’ll write a happy ditty tonight, when I think back on how nice it is sitting in a sun spot having cleared off our Eldest’s desk while he is at school.  How decadent it feels settling to apply myself to my creative passions in daylight; as the dust motes gather on all surfaces and the washing whirls in its endless rumbly rounds… 😉

 

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2 Responses to “Autumnal Imposter”

  1. Jane Wright Says:

    This is very good, Montaffera, if a little unsettling ( which is probably the way you mean it to be.) Poetry is your forte. I look forward to the happy ditty tonight. Perhaps that odd shaped mug might have a point of view?

  2. Montaffera Says:

    Thanks, I’m glad you are liking the poetry. A happy ditty has not come out of the 500 word practice for tonight, but maybe my subconscious and the generators are just choosing their time and I’ll have something penned for my weekend post 😉 x

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